


almost sunset

by Hyuckadoodle



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Based on the Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy (Troye Sivan), Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, What you can't see can't hurt you, they are just making out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-26
Updated: 2020-09-26
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:49:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26660143
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hyuckadoodle/pseuds/Hyuckadoodle
Summary: "It will be alright."And Mark thought, maybe that's enough.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee
Kudos: 13





	almost sunset

**Author's Note:**

> Read the tags carefully!  
> This is my first fic and kinda nervous about it but yay! Thanks for coming in.
> 
> Listen to Heartache by One Ok Rock for the ~vibe~

**Leave this blue neighborhood**   
**Never knew loving could hurt this good, oh**   
**And it drives me wild**   
**‘cause when you look like that**   
**I’ve never ever wanted to be so bad, oh**   
**It drives me wild.**   
**―Wild // Troye Sivan**

Donghyuck’s mouth is asserting control in navigating the insides of Mark’s mouth. Tongue sailing north sending shivers directly to Mark’s spine and lurching towards his south. They’ve been kissing senseless, changing position from position, fighting for dominance and submission. It’s always been like this with a sense of familiarity but never routinary because routine requires time and schedule and they don’t have the luxury of both, specially time. Specially time alone.

While Mark chose to study at the local community college few minute drive away from their small town, Donghyuck is studying thousand miles far from their city and only coming back for a visit during breaks or sometimes when he feels like the university is making a feast out of him until he’s nothing but bones. Right now, it’s the latter and Mark, being on the edge of going downhill, having Donghyuck this close to him even just for some borrowed moments alone is a valued distraction. 

The rushing waves outside is harmonizing with the seagulls’ cry of farewell to the golden rays of sunlight canopying the sea and peeping thru Mark’s bedroom window as if trying to witness the stolen moments of two boys playing with fires they can’t control. Mark flipped them over until Donghyuck was the one under his mercy, cradling the younger’s waist. Mark licks to the younger’s mouth tasting the salted caramel from the popcorn they were sharing not so long ago, wanting to commit to the taste of his tongue, sweet and salty. Mark moves and nuzzles his nose in the nook of the younger’s neck, inhaling every miniscule of scent he can put inside his lungs and embedding them to his brain. Donghyuck still smells like honeysuckle and lemon reminding him of a hot summer and a promise of brighter days. His mouth trailing lines across the other’s neck, Donghyuck has to tap his fingers resting on Mark’s shoulder as a silent reminder not to leave any marks. This moment should only be tattooed on their minds but not in their body. 

The rhythm of their bodies dancing together and the pleasing sounds leaving their mouth like a harmony of an old love song are enough to express how much they complete each other, giving them both the familiar and comforting sentiment of being at home. They are impossibly close to each other that the burning sensation Mark is feeling against Donghyuck’s bare chest is overflowing to the tips of his fingers making every contact with Donghyuck’s skin tingles from within. Mark feels like a worshipper. If hell is hot like this, then he’s a willing devoted sinner.

The sky outside has begun to turn into splashes of pink and purple like the single hickey Mark left on Donghyuck’s inner thigh when he got lost to the softness of the younger’s skin against his sinful mouth, hinting that the day will end soon and the night will embrace them with a blanket of loneliness and desperation.

The loud sound of a door cracking open and the tang of iron being mixed with sweetness and saltiness, broke them from their reverie. There’s a sharp pain on Mark’s lips and before he can even process what was happening, he heard a loud cry which he’s sure from Donghyuck. Mark’s father must’ve came home earlier than expected. His first instinctual move was to protect Donghyuck from his father’s fury. There were sounds of things crushing, falling, and breaking, until it’s all quiet and Donghyuck was gone. All he can taste were iron and pain.

  
.

  
Keeping a safe place in the darkest corner of his room, Mark is trembling and his insides are threatening to crawl out of his mouth. He chocked a sob. _Oh God,_ it hurts. The physical ache can’t quite overpower the unnerving heartache that is shattering him into sharp pieces cutting him wide open.

_Do you want to rot in hell?_

Whispering a silent prayer at the back of his throat, Mark wonders if God can see through the dark, if God truly cares.

  
.

They both knew that a day will come and ask them to pay for the moments they borrowed together. They prepared an escape plan, even confrontation line, something between fighting for each other and running away, but none of those happen. The next thing Mark knew was Donghyuck’s a thousand miles away from their city. There’s no goodbye. Mark likes to humor himself that maybe the good punch in the face was enough to convey that. He’s left with nothing but bones.

.

  
The clock on his study table shows that it’s thirteen minutes before three am, pile of books and practice sets scattered around his desk, half finished. There’s a low sound of grumbling Mark almost thought were the demons under his bed waiting to paralyze him on his sleep. It took another growl for him to realize that it’s his stomach, starving for something more than water and self-induced suffering. But Mark craves for soft lips and warm body. He misses Donghyuck. The brutal agony of yearning for a boy is taking a toll in his life. He grabs the half empty can of red bull and fishes his phone from his pocket. Scanning his social media accounts for a much needed break because _Oh,_ one more practice set and his head is gonna explode.

Well, maybe longing for someone too much can create an energy for the world to conjure that person is no longer a theory when he found Donghyuck staring at him. He’s grinning. God, how he misses those lips, but the main anomaly was not the smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes but the girl in his arms and the photo caption that they’re in a relationship.

His heart explodes. The clock strikes at three am.

  
.

  
Mark learned that Donghyuck’s father died through an old woman who thinks her life is better than half of the people around her in the supermarket. He was buying drinks Jaemin asked him for their pregame before heading to a sem-ender party later that night when he heard a very familiar name coming from an unforgiving mouth.

 _For all I know, he paid for his son’s sin. I_ _heard that his son used to fool around with boys! May God forgive him._

That night, Mark texted Jaemin apologies and hoped that the other won’t pressed much and stayed at his room nursing a bottle of whiskey and a throbbing heart. He doesn’t know why he’s hurting or maybe he doesn’t know how to repress them anymore. Donghyuck, who used to tell him every moment of his day if possible, calling him during ungodly hours giving him the reasons because I miss your voice when he has to pull up an all-nighter and needed someone to keep him sober, who sent him pictures of a stray cat he came across because he knows Mark loves them, didn’t even tell him about his father. How ironic.

He is well aware about the status of their relationship and heaven knows when was the last time they spoke to each other but a part of him wanted to cling into the fact that they were friends before anything else. Mark wanted to be angry at Donghyuck, scream at him for leaving him crumbled down with the ghost of their promises, for being so perfect for him he can’t move on, and for moving on when Mark can’t barely pass a day without thinking of his golden skin and sweet smile, but of course he couldn’t.

Consequently, he got mad at himself instead. For demanding an explanation he’s losing his mind, for wanting Donghyuck to be in his arms so badly he’s losing sleep, and for loving Donghyuck so bad he’s losing himself. Everything hurts like an open-wound so he tried to mend himself with a bottle of alcohol. He swallowed his misery with whiskey and cursed the offensive liquor because it doesn’t help him with the pain, he cursed at himself for being a prisoner in a cage he made with the memories of a golden boy, and of course, fuck the old lady.

  
.

  
No amount of liquid courage can make Mark press the green button to call the contact number he’s spent hours staring at.

_I don’t know what to say._

_It’s too late_.

Regret seeped through him like polluted air constricting his lungs. 

.

  
Mark attended the funeral to pay respect but mostly to have a reason to see Donghyuck. He kept his distance, observing the people in their suit and dresses trying to look like they’re feeling sorry for a boy who lost a father but the unspoken truth is that they just want something to talk about during their barbeque parties or in between bottles of beer. He spotted the old lady from the supermarket wearing an obnoxiously large black hat, handkerchief on her hands. Mark feels vicious. He wonders if she feels holy.

A particular shade of amber hair amongst the crowd caught his eyes. He was standing front row, few feet away from the casket, white rose in hand. Donghyuck’s façade was serene but the blotching of his eyes will never go unnoticed and Mark knew better. He was standing next to a girl who looks oddly familiar but Mark’s brain can’t somewhat place a part of his memory to give a name.

He perused everyone, faces reminding him why Donghyuck wanted to leave this small city. They love how beautiful their town is like those paintings you would find in a wall of a grand museum with its wide blue ocean sparkling under the golden sun or the silver moon at night complementing the monochromatic houses. But never its numbered residents with scrutinizing eyes, sharp tongues, and unforgiving mouth. It looks like heaven, really, but it feels like living in the darkest pit of hell but then of course, Donghyuck made it bearable, livable, a home with his warm smile and careful touches.

Mark discovered, without Donghyuck and his warm smile and careful touches that hell is actually frozen.

Drawing back his attention to Donghyuck and to the girl who is now clinging into his arms ― it hits him. He can’t recall a name because there isn’t one, he doesn’t know her but a facebook status and a fake smile flash right through his eyes. The realization knocks Mark like a strong wave drowning him and he can’t breathe. The imminent pain is venomous in his veins, exploding inside him, prickling under his skin and slowly paralyzing his body. He feels numb.   
He counts from one to ten to regain his composure. 

  
_One_ , he reminds himself to breathe. 

_Two_ , he closes his eyes because what you can’t see can’t hurt you. 

_Three_ , breathe.

 _Four_ , he swallows the lump in his throat. 

_Five_ , he opens his eyes. 

_Six_ , He looks at Donghyuck for one last time. 

_Seven_ , Donghyuck is looking back. 

_Eight_ , He turns his heel around. 

_Nine_ , One step, two steps

 _Ten_ , He runs.

  
.

  
Mark runs like a wounded soldier running away for his dear life, finding a safe place until his limbs collapsed. He found himself sitting on one of the benches surrounding the sea walls, overlooking at the beach.

Thepounding of his heart is heavier than the breathes he takes to regain some air for his constricting lungs. Bending his knees to his chest as if to prevent his heart from coming out of its cage, he let out a sob he’s been holding for so long he can’t stop himself from making more. God, it hurts. He sat there basking himself with all the pain and loneliness.

  
Mark cried until there’s nothing left to bleed. Resting his chin in between his folded knees, he looks at the sea and how beautiful it is being illuminated by the sun. He can tell the impending sunset just by looking at the saturated colors of the scarlet sky bleeding for him, and the seagulls’ loud cries from a distance sound as if they’re crying for Mark, too telling him that he had stayed there for a good amount of time. While drying the remnants of his tears with the sleeve of his coat, a person sits next to Mark. He almost murmurs an apology for being a pitiful sight in such a wonderful setting but his stomach flipped when his eyes landed on a familiar beaten up gray shoes he bought as a Christmas present. The irony made him choked.

He sits up carefully, still staring at the other’s shoes and avoiding any physical contact afraid to touch the sharp tension in the air. The stillness is unsettling but Mark didn’t dare to speak for he doesn’t trust himself to. There’s a beat of silence until he heard a shuddered sigh. Testing the waters, he looks at Donghyuck only to find him facing the ocean.

With the setting sun kissing his face highlighting his features, Mark can see the side profile of the boy, the curves and edges of his face with his button nose and the cupid’s bow of his lips so perfect and pouty but his eyes, the red rim that surrounded them can’t even take away the shine that reflects from it. He’s almost golden and so beautiful just like this. He keeps staring and waiting for Donghyuck because Mark knows he just have to wait. 

He listened to every heartbeat that passed until Donghyuck stands and Mark almost felt the dread pooling in him with a thought of Donghyuck leaving with nothingness saved by the arms that secured him keeping him in place. His own body reacted faster than to process what is happening like an auto-response programmed by his own longingness. He moved his legs so he can pull Donghyuck closer, locking his arms around the other’s lower back, resting his head on his torso. Bathing himself with Donghyuck and breathing the familiar scent of honeysuckle and lemon.

The younger placing a soft kiss before resting his own head on top of his hair. No amount of illusions of having Donghyuck this close to him can compete to the comfort of a warm body in his arms. Thoughts are dancing in Mark’s head he can’t even string them together to form coherent words that can’t find their way out of Mark’s mouth so instead, he held onto the other tightly and buried his face even more, savoring the relief he hasn’t felt since the last time that they talked. A strangled sob leaves his mouth. He missed Donghyuck so much that he still misses him even he has him in between his arms after months of only living with their memories. 

Caressing Mark’s hair, **“It will be alright.”** Donghyuck whispered with hoarse voice in between of his own cry like it will help both of them feel better. Saying it out loud to be more convincing. But Mark thinks, maybe that’s enough. 

_It isn’t._

Donghyuck shifted and finally let go. Missing the warmth, Mark looks up and sees that the other is looking straight ahead with a grim expression. Confused, he turned around to meet a pair of eyes staring back at them being held by the same girl clinging at Donghyuck earlier and the intensity sent cold shivers down on Mark’s spine. Donghyuck grabs Mark’s arms to remove them from his waist. His protest got stocked at the back of his throat and the strength to hold onto Donghyuck tighter seemed to left his body when his eyes met the amber shade of Donghyuck’s and delicate hands cupped his cheeks to brush away his tears. He spared him a sad smile for a heartbeat and then he’s gone before Mark can even reach for his hands. He watched his retreating figure with a girl clinging into him.

He wanted to call Donghyuck’s name, he wanted to shout the name that had rolled into his tongue for a thousand times. But the name that had been repeatedly running in his mind tasted foreign in his mouth he can’t even say it out loud.

And for the second time, he ran away.

  
.

  
The ocean breeze is warm and salty in his face, the first breath of the early summer, but Mark feels the cold. He stares at the horizon where the ocean meets the mountains that hide the sun. the sky is beginning to turn into a darker shade of indigo but the last rays of the sunlight is still glimmering in his eyes like the little fire in his heart that’s a heartbeat away from dying. He walks closer to the edge and watches as the rushing waves hit the walls of the cliff. Retrieving the memories of him and Donghyuck playing pirates at the same cliff he was standing on right now, he let out a bitter laugh. 

They loved to fool around in this place because Donghyuck always admired the view of the ocean from here and this particular spot of their small town has been the safe haven of their friendship and young love. The sound of the crushing waves and distant sound of seagulls crying that used to conceal their soft whispers of promises and conversations meant only for the both of them to hear, now accompanied his deafening thoughts of regrets and desperation. 

While the silver moon is taking over what the sun had left, Mark wonders if where the ocean can take him. Mark wants to know if the waves will cradle his body the way Donghyuck did or will it wash away his pain and carry him to its deepest part where the sun can’t peek through that he can bury all of his darkest secret, and will its wild waves can swallow his soft whispers of agony and regret he can finally let go.

So he did.

  
.

  
The first thing that registered in Mark’s brain is that it’s warm. There were no wild waves to cradle him but arms anchoring him to keep him from sinking deep in his desolation. The warm that envelops him ignited the dying fire in his heart. He turns around and drown himself with the smell of honeysuckle and lemon that reminds him of summer and brighter days. 

Amidst the loud sound of the crushing waves and distant sound of seagulls crying, he heard a soft whisper of a promise that is meant only for him to hear, **“It will be alright.”** Mark thinks, maybe it’s enough.

 _It is._

**Author's Note:**

> For jessie, thanks for your undying support pls accept my undying love.  
> R~ if ur reading this, luv u sunshine.
> 
> The world is a tough place to live on right now but some are having it worse. Please do sign petitions it's small thing to do but a big help for those in needs.
> 
> Let's support #NCT2020 yay~  
> -Bella


End file.
